Mix-tape of emotions: Vol. 3

I don't know what my problem is lately, but I'm seriously in a rut. My life is not what I want it to be. I love my sweet children and am so proud to be their mother, but I don't feel like I'm doing what I'm meant to do. I love staying home and taking care of them and getting to see all their special moments. I just don't feel like I get enough of that done. I'm always putting them off. I hate it. I'm going to put off their entire childhood, just so the house is clean and my husband is happy? Fuck that. They are growing up way too fast for me to "put off" playing with them or taking them to the park or anything like that. My husband is self-ish. He's more needy than my 9 month old baby. He's a grown man and should know better than to try to steal the attention of a child's mother constantly. I hate the fact that when Scott gets home from work everything comes to a halt. I have to change this. School is going to be starting soon and we have not done hardly anything fun this summer, aside from swimming. My kids need the attention from their mom and to have fun in the evenings and such. Not just during the day while their dad is at work. But how do I change this???

Therapy

I can't help but reflect on what my father has said to me this week. His comments keep running through my mind. Am I a bad mother? Am I a bad wife? Am I as horrible as he says I am? GAH I hope not. I'm sure I am hard on the boys, harder than I should be. I do yell. I do spank. I do procrastinate my duties. The kids do drive me nuts from time to time. All this doesn't change the fact that I love them more than I can ever describe and would do anything for them (within reason of course, Colton did recently ask for a real parachute to jump out of a plane). I bathe them, I feed them, I play with them, I help them with things they want to do, I talk to them, the list goes on... What am I forgetting!? I don't understand what I'm doing wrong here. I want my children to be happy, fun, caring people. What am I doing wrong!? It is obvious I'm in need of some therapy at the moment. BUT I can't afford therapy, so I have this blog......

*Deep Breath* & *Sigh of relief*

Well, We're not moving. That's the cause of my sigh of relief. After a long heart to heart with my husband, we've decided we will not be moving in with the MIL. I'm so excited. I love my MIL, but don't want to move for more reasons than I can mention. I was emotional and bitter about the whole situation to begin with and finally my husband finally agreed he felt the same way. I'm so excited! We get to stay in our house! :D Yippeeee! The weather has proved to be more spring like as of late and it's very nice. The wind, however, I could live without. Today the high is supposed to be in the upper 70s, but 30 mph wind gusts...yikes! I about got my finger chopped off by my flying-through-the-air screen door this morning, so not cool. Oh a separate note I'm pumped for this upcoming weekend! It's gonna be crazy busy but will be eventful. There's no school on Friday due to Good Friday. Amber and Ryan are coming to visit Friday night! Saturday is the PTO's Walk-A-Thon. Afterwards is the county Easter Egg hunt! Gonna take the kiddos fishing Saturday afternoon if the weather permits. Sunday is Easter! Wow....busy busy, but looking forward to it. Today I'm getting the crazy house back in order. Tonight is PTO work night for the walk-a-thon preparation. All three kids have been weird with throwing up randomly. Dakota last night decided to get diarrhea also...fun. Tomorrow is the classroom Easter Parties, Dakota's dr appt, and more PTO stuff....Friday hopefully nothing but tidying up and preparing for a crazy weekend. I'm looking forward to it and have been for quite some time!

On a side note, we finally got a PS3. We had been taking care of Nick's PS3 while he was in Iraq and Boot camp and SOI, etc...for the last 2 years, but he decided to take it with him to Springfield this week. Prime opportunity to get one of our own. Pat and I took the kids up north to Dollar Tree for some random Easter things yesterday and Scott met us there. On our way home Dakota threw up almost non-stop in the car...yummy. We got home and Scott turned on the PS3 to unwind a little while I made dinner: Shake n Bake Pork Chops, Mac & Cheese, Green Beans. Scott played some more while Dakota and I dyed Easter Eggs, despite him throwing up, he felt fine. Today he is staying home from school. I'm taking the truck to get tires put on and cleaning house. So that's my crazy life as of right now....

Shoutout!

I wanted to give my friend Amber a SHOUTOUT and a huge "Thank you" for dressin' up my blog! She did a fantastic job :). Go check out her pretty blog!

Walking on eggshells

Today is Monday. That in itself has its downfalls. Not only is it Monday, but it's also March 22nd. Today rent is due. I took my last rent check to my landlord this morning. She wasn't home so I left her a message to call me about it being our last month here. I wanna cry. In the next 4 weeks I have to move in with the MIL. I know I keep saying it's gonna be worth it in the end. We're gonna have a house of our own in due time....that doesn't change the fact that I wanna whine like a little girl. I DONT WANNA! I want to find a way to make it work without moving in with her. I want money to grow on trees and the lottery so we can do it without this dreaded step. I'm being unrealistic though I realize. I'm going to miss out on my "freedoms" while living with her. Such as being able to sleep in and not be judged for it. Taking a day off from laundry b/c I can. Being able come and go as I please without feeling like I'm walking on eggshells. I know everyone has their problems. Mine are pretty trivial to some...but this is a huge problem for me. No more privacy. If I wanna walk to the fridge in the middle of the night butt ass naked...I won't be able to. Not that you all needed to know I do that, but still its my point. This is going to be a long ordeal. I'm going to do everything in my power to make my stay there pleasant and as quick as possible. I'm going to keep a calendar and mark off days. I have no desire to stay past 18 months and hope to be out sooner. But I have to be realistic too. 12 months to save and 6 months to build. I can do it. I also don't want to ruin the relationship I have with my MIL. We're great friends and I don't want to jeopardize that. Becky is another major issue. I can always avoid her b/c she doesn't come to my house unless invited. She's going to be at her mothers very often....oh joy. Luckily my mom and dad have moved to Blue Mound and I imagine I will be there frequently........lol. So after the move I will have this blog to keep me sane. I plan to vent about my frustrations frequently from now on. 30 days left in the house of our own......I'm going to enjoy every min of it!

Change

Change is good? Pocket change is good. A different hairstyle is usually good. Moving in with your MIL....idk.

Scott and I are at a point in our lives where we would like to own a home. We would like to own land. We would like to own SOMETHING! We're getting older, our kids are growing up quickly. We would like to be able to own something before they move out. So...with that said Scott and I have decided we need to save some major dough to buy a lot or land and build a house which is cheaper than buying a house around here even with this stupid economy....esp when I have a very handy husband ;). We've figured the lot we want costs around $12000, foundation for house around $5000, then all the building materials. How on earth are we going to be able to save over $20000!? Move in with the MIL. That's about the only thing we can figure out. Doing that will save us $6000/year in rent and 4000/year in utilities! That's 10,000! Yahoo....how are we going to get the other 10k!? Scott can get building materials through work....that is gonna save a lot of money. Scott spends roughly 14000/year on GAS!!!!!!!!!!! OMG....that is a scary scary number....We could get him a cheap clunker car to drive to work and spend half that in gas at the most and save over 7000/year! SO...now we're up to 17000 with a goal of 20000 in 1 year. Now we won't be able to afford to buy land until a year from whenever we move in with the MIL...so that leaves atleast 6 months for building time....so in 18 months we could have a home on a lot we want, own it and not be paying mortgage or rent!? Yes, you understood me correctly! BUT this 18 months of living with the MIL will not go by quickly. I was in tears last night thinking about it. I'm dreading that part. Of course the savings acct balance would be well worth it and esp for such a short time period. 18 months is hardly any time at all. I am dreading BECKY! She practically lives there anyway and I enjoy being able to "go home" to avoid her when visiting at MILs. She bitches constantly at my kids and not being able to just storm out the door and never return bothers me....bc that will be home for awhile. As you can see the Becky situation is very stressful. If it weren't for trying to avoid her I would be packing up boxes right now and calling the utility companies to schedule shutoff, but I'm a little reserved and hesitant about HER. Yes I know she constantly ruins my days/weekends whatever and I cuss everytime I see her stupid van in town....am I going to let her ruin my LIFE ...!? I think NOT. If it means putting on a fake smile and griding my teeth into non-existance while shes around for the next 18 months then so be it. It may require therapy or AA but I can do it. I think! Help me out!

Its Thursday!!!!

Hey ya'll its Thursday!

Ketchup!

So A Daddy tomato, mommy tomato, and baby tomato are walking down the street. The baby falls behind and the mom struts back to him hits him and says "KETCHUP" or "Catch up!" whichever. That is the theme for todays post....playing Ketchup.

A lot has happened in the last month....got tax money back which was a relief, quit smoking, finished the decluttering, Haelie turned 5 months, Colton learned to tie his shoes and Dakota's nickname is Darlin'....etc....nothing majorly exciting though. I'm anxious for spring like you wouldn't believe, but everyone around here is. The weather has been incredibly crappy. Cold and wet! It's a muddy mess outside whenever it does thaw out every few days....I started some garden plants indoors a few weeks ago in hopes to bait that nice weather in....kinda backfired. Now I have plants that really need to be outside now and its too cold....that figures, just my luck. Oh well I guess. Anywho...I'm actually kinda sorta keeping up on my housework....eek lol. There isn't really anything "post worthy" here other than to let you loyal readers know I haven't forgotten about you and I will remember to check in with you every now and then. To tide you over here's a FOOL PROOF recipe for Stuffed Jalapenos! MMMMMMM!

Stuffed Jalapenos

1# fresh Jalapenos
1-8oz pkg Cream Cheese, softened
1# Bacon (preferably not thick cut)
Sharp Knife
Cutting Board
Baking sheet
Spoons

Rinse jalapenos well!** and cut off stem and cut in half lengthwise, remove innards with spoon. Spoon enough cream cheese into each pepper half to fill. Take uncooked bacon and cut in half. Wrap stuffed pepper halves with a 1/2 slice of bacon trying to cover all the cream cheese (its not a big deal if it doesn't completely get covered). Place bacon wrapped jalapenos on baking sheet and place in 400 degree oven for 20-30 minutes until bacon is done....Watch them after about 20 mins.

Okay so this recipe isn't entirely FOOL PROOF persay, b/c it does involve a ton of grease leftover from the bacon cooking which can cause a nasty fire, but otherwise....lol I hope you enjoy these, they are great snacks that I will be making a LOT!!!!!!!

**The better you wash them the less spicy they are......just fyi

Picasa

Did I mention I love Google Picasa???? Here's why!

 

De-cluttering: Day 3

Well I thought this declutter project would be difficult: letting go of things I've held onto for so long, throwing away things, giving away things, plus the time involved. However, I'm finding it to be a relief rather than a chore. I'm really enjoying making more room in our house. I vow to no longer be a pack rat. I have came across some interesting things while digging through closets and storage boxes and am pleased. There's a lot to get rid of though. Does Scott really need to keep his saxophone from HS? Probably not. Do I need to occupy 3 closets with just my clothes when I usually wear what's out of the dryer anyway?? Probably not. I'm donating clothes I don't wear. I came across an interesting fact: Most people wear 20% of their clothes 80% of the time. Boy do I believe that, except in my case I probably wear 10% of my clothes 90% of the time. When I was working it was different, but now that I'm home, I wear 3 pairs of jeans on a regular basis and a dozen shirts. The bulk of my clothes I don't need anymore. I find this project to be liberating and also stress relieving. I'm always stressed at how the house is cluttered and messy (not dirty, but messy)...this will hopefully be the fix for that. It's keeping me busy and giving away things to people they need/can use is a great feeling. We watched "Pay it forward" last night in tribute to some comments posted on Swistle's Marmee Post. I feel like a better person for giving away all my crap lol. If I haven't told you about Swistle's blog. I apologize and recommend you to check it out. It's a very neat blog! I'm addicted. :D

Oh Baby!

Well I thought I would give a random update on the family, since its been awhile...Nothing is new really. Haelie is a mess some days though. Since we got back from Iowa, she's decided she would quit the pacifier cold turkey...since then I've become her human pacifier. This makes my days long, my body ache, and various parts of me chapped....you get the picture. I'm very pleased the BFing has gone so well with her, as I gave up so early with the boys...however, it's a LOT of work as you EBFing mothers know. Haelie has gotten to the point where she barely takes pumped milk in a bottle...this is fun...no pacifier, no bottle, feels like I run around the house topless most days. I thought she was going to be a thumbsucker for a few days, she found her thumb, but it didn't do what she wanted it to do. So back to me. She's not letting Daddy, or anyone else for that matter, hold her if she sees me or hears my voice. She likes to be upright. Laying down on an incline is not her cup of tea, she wants to be in her jumper or on my hip. The swing, the bouncy seat, and carseat are all bad...Which is totally awesome...heh. As of late, I've gotten a lot of use out of my sling although I don't think I'm using it correctly, or she just doesn't wanna be in it like she's supposed to...neither would surprise me. Also, if I have her, she wants to be entertained by me singing to her, watching something fun, etc. The boys make her laugh and then she gets scared. She doesn't nap like a normal baby, she power naps. She won't poop in a wet diaper and she can't stand a wet diaper for more than 5 minutes. She's a mess...BUT she's a good baby when she gets what she wants. The boys, minus the cabin fever last week and over break, have been pretty excellent. If I were fighting with them too, I'd be a wreck. This de-clutter project is going to be hard but I'm going to try. My goal is to have the house completely de-cluttered by Valentine's Day. This gives me approx. 1 month. Seems like forever but I'm figuring in days when I can't put Haelie down and weekends, unless Scott is working. Plus all my normal duties of cooking, laundry, dishes, errands and such are gonna slow me down too. I'm setting an attainable goal! Wish me luck. Any tips/tricks will be appreciated. I'm going to start de-cluttering today.....If I don't post for awhile, I may be trapped in a junk avalanche....

HELP!

I have a plan to completely de-clutter the house. This is going to take weeks. And I refuse to start in this arctic weather, due to many trips planned for the trash compactor, etc. Although I need some suggestions on how to go about said plan.

Do I:
A.) Go room by room
B.) Start on specifics and go from there (clothes, books, etc.)

The reasoning behind this crazy idea is this. I have a small house, two adults and 3 little people live here. We have entirely! too much crap that we never use. We're getting a safe, need to make room for it, etc.

Next...what do I do with all the extra crap?

Do I:
A.) Garage sale
B.) Donate it
C.) Trash

I need some help getting motivation to do this too. I'm dreading it and I haven't even begun....

Magical Things

You're fired! Thanks for all the recipe suggestions for my abundance of specific pantry items....or not. Anywho, oh well. Today is Tuesday! It's above freezing outside!!!! Hallelujah. Comfort Food Week (last week) ended with a fantastic Chicken and Noodles dinner. It was everything I could hope for in a comfort meal. It warmed me up on the inside, tantalized my taste buds, pleased everyone, and made tons of leftovers ;). Here's how it goes:

Chicken and Noodles

1 Whole Chicken (~4 lbs)
Carrots (optional)
Onion (optional)
Celery (optional)
Water
Big pot
Flour
Milk
Frozen Egg Noodles (16oz package)
Big pot
Yummy seasonings (I use Sweet Smokey Pepper, Garlic Salt, Onion Salt, and poultry seasoning and pepper)
Gold Medal Wondra Powder

Take whole chicken and cut it up into breasts, legs, thighs, wings, etc...If you don't know how to cut up a chicken, I suggest you learn, but until then you can buy "cut up chicken" or just use various chicken pieces of your choice....or have your MIL come over and do it for you ;) I don't cut up chicken...bad experience trying to separate leg quarters...long story lol Put in big pot and add enough water to cover, dump in your seasonings***, carrots, onion, celery etc. Simmer until chicken is done. Although this takes awhile, you don't wanna rush it. There's lots of magical things going on in the pot... Once done remove pieces of chicken and de-bone, then re-add to pot. Bring to boiling again and let simmer 30 minutes. This will create ALOT of chicken broth...which is freezable in proper storage containers**. Remove some of the chicken broth, you don't need as much as you would think, as you don't want this to be soup, until desired amt of liquid remains. Add frozen noodles, cook 5 minutes. While noodles cook, take a tightly covered small dish (I use a tiny pyrex bowl with a tight fitting lid) add 1/2 cup of milk and 4 Tbl flour. Shake until smooth. Add a cup of milk to pot and add flour/milk mixture and stir. This should thicken it up some. IF its not thick enough, add Wondra right to the pot. It's a "quick mixing flour for sauce and gravy" this stuff is AMAZING. If you've ever had trouble with a white sauce thickening or runny gravy, you need this product. SOOO much better than corn starch or regular flour. Add a little, stir, let thicken, and repeat if necessary. When to desired consistency....its done!!!! We serve over top Mashed Potatoes.

**TIP: Pour chicken broth into ice cube trays, freeze, and place in freezer bags. Each cube is approx 1 oz.
***TIP: Keep trying it! Add additional seasonings as needed. I can't tell you how much of what to add, it all depends on personal preference.

I hope you enjoy this recipe as much as we do. Tweek it to your needs and let me know how it goes! I'm excited to hear about your results in my recipes. Any feedback would be appreciated!!!

Recipe Challenge/Pantry Rummage

With this stupid sub-freezing temps I do not! want to go anywhere. That being said, I don't wanna go to the grocery store everyday. SOOO I started to rummage through my pantry and create some meals out of what I have on hand (not my strong suit). I have come up short. I need help from my faithful reader(s)....

Here are my pantry items and quantities that I'm at a loss with:

Corkscrew pasta, 2 lbs-ish
Elbow Macaroni, buttload
Granola, 1 lb
Corn Flakes, 3 boxes?

Why in the hell do I have all this random shit in my cabinets? Good question, I have no idea. Anywho, submit some recipes to me containing 1 or more of the above ingredients and hurray! I'll do something special for ya...:) idk what though....:\

Recipe for disaster? Perhaps...

Well last night I decided to make my pork roast. With the Alaskan weather we've been having lately, comfort food seemed appropriate this week. Everything was going okay yesterday for the most part. I got a lot of laundry done (woo hoo), the house quasi picked up (woo hoo x2), and I had a delicious hearty meal waiting on me *jumping for joy!* I thought I would take a minute to express my feelings for my crock pot. If you don't have a crock pot, get one! I love my crock pot and don't use it nearly enough. I think I'm going to try out some different "slow cooker" recipes soon and will let you know how that goes and post recipes accordingly. The mission today is to do catch up around the house AND take down the dreaded Christmas junk. I leave all my Christmas decor up until after NYD. When I was growing up, I was told it was bad luck to take Christmas stuff down before then...IDK how true that is...but I can understand why a person would wait til after NYD, such as, the turkey/diabetic/alcohol induced coma most of us are in after the holidays. So Anywho...FINALLY, after over 3 months of looking at my Christmas tree, it's going! And I'm not just taking it down, I'm Throwing! It! Away! I don't think I'll take the lights off even. I'm gonna throw it in the back of the truck as is and take it to the dump!! Normally this attitude would probably spell "divorce" with Scott and I, being he loves Christmas more than he loves me...HA! However, we both agreed we need a new tree next year. Our tree has been up so long, the lights are half burnt out, the colored ones are losing their color, and the tree looks tired...of course it is a 40 yr old tree. It's had a good life. SO why take it all apart!? That's just more work for me. I might need some help getting it out of the house though...I just now that about that. Could be very interesting trying to get a 7' tall tree out the front door by myself lol. Colton and Dakota are strong "muscle men" I'll have them help me after school lol. Of course they'll probably throw a fit about "Christmas being over". Oh well. Can't please everyone..............!

FYI: Here's the link to my Pork Roast Recipe. I have some leftover uncooked chicken thighs I need to do something with. Any suggestions?? Today I need to make caramel corn!!!! I've been planning on doing it for a long time now...what's a better day than today!?

OH before I forget, there's a few kid things I'd like to give kudos to: Monopoly Town and Uno! Attack!. They're great games for my boys!! Thank you Hasbro and Mattel!!!!

Survival of the fittest!

Well I survived December....*sigh of relief*. December was insanely crazy for me. 10 days in the arctic (...also known as Iowa), Christmas vacation for the kiddos, Christmas festivities, etc...It was all full of drama drama drama too...:\ BUT part of my new year/new you campaign I'm going to let go of the drama in my life, thus relieving stress! :) How fantastic does that sound?? So far so good... of course it's only day 5.... Anywho, I'm going to try to keep my faithful reader updated and include some recipes here and there, maybe even a pic of the kids once in awhile! Don't get your hopes up though...I'm not the best at remembering to post pics for some reason, hell I'm not the best at remembering I have a blog. HA!

Recipe of the Day

FRIED CHICKEN (for Dummies)

Warning: this fried chicken will cause all kinds of nasty health conditions, such as but not limited to, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, weight gain, etc...but boy is it yummy!

Needed:
Family pack of Chicken THIGHS With SKIN ON!! (if you only like white meat or don't like the skin...just give it up ;) lol)
Flour
Milk
Salt & Pepper
OIL (don't try to get fancy with expensive oils, the plain ol Veggie oil is perfect)
Skillet with lid
Some deep dishes (pie plates work great!)

First off, this is a very easy recipe, although it takes awhile. So bare with me. Before I bread the chicken, I rubbed it down with salt and I soaked it in room temp water. Flipping every so often. You can soak as long as you'd like I did mine about an hour.

To make your breading its real difficult so pay attention...flour, salt, pepper, blend in a dish!!! This sounds fool proof does it!? Almost...:) Pour some milk in another dish. Put empty skillet on stove, turn stove on med-high. Once hot to the touch add about 1/4" of oil to the hot skillet. Now its time to get dirty...hahaha, bread the chicken. Take the chicken out of the water and dip in milk, both sides and plop it into the flour stuff. Coat well. Make sure all the little places are covered with flour. Test grease temp by throwing a pinch of flour mix in the oil. If it doesn't sizzle, its not hot enough...wait. Once HOT!, put them things in the grease. If you need to turn the temp down do so, you don't want your grease to smoke, every stove is different. Fry the chicken until underside is a nice golden brown color. Flip over the chicken in the skillet very careful (as not to splatter grease or mess up the breading, fork works well). After flipping, cover skillet with lid and turn the temp down just a bit, from med-high to med, ish. This is the waiting game....check on the chicken periodically to make sure they're not getting too brown. It will take awhile for the insides to cook through, be patient. To test done-ness cut one open, or if you're an experienced chicken cooker person, watch your juices. When they're done they're done!

I ALWAYS make gravy from my grease...if you plan to do the same, I suggest transferring cooked chicken to a baking dish and placing in a 200 degree oven while making the gravy. Reasons being not only to keep it warm, but to also prevent the crispy exterior from becoming soggy.

Here's an additional tip: after breading the chicken, stick it in the freezer for just a few minutes, it helps keep the breading on it during frying...if you have time.

I serve fried chicken with:

Mashed Taters
Gravy
Fried Vegetable, such as vidalia onion, mushrooms, squash, etc. (might as well while you have your hands messy and the grease out)

....Just wondering how I'm only 23 and I sound like I'm Paula Dean....hmmm food for thought I suppose (no pun intended ;))

Anywho, give the chicken a whirl, if you have any tips/tricks/comments/concerns please, don't hesitate to say.